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Sunday, July 31, 2011

The most beautiful Journey

My journey from “I hate change” to “bring it on”

Change is the only thing which is constant in everyone’s life. And we all resist change.
I am no different. I hate change. And what I hate the most is when people change. We all hate that situation.
I am one frequent visitor to that circumstance. I don’t know why but every time I start trusting someone, start taking them as my own, they just change suddenly.
I entered a new school in class 11, fearing change. Since I was a new admission and joined late, by the time I entered, everyone was friends already.I felt so out of the place. I used to go back home and despise this whole idea of a new school. But the best part about me is I’m no quitter. I made sure to turn this feeling upside down and finally I did. I made some good friends and some envious bitches too.
I loved the way life was and I thought that I wouldn’t have it any other better way. I was in the spotlight all the time, due to one or the other mischief and there was never a dull moment. I loved everything about anything.
I started to love life and exude an outgoing and cheerful vibe. I could laugh at all adversities. I was strong emotionally and mentally. I had big aims, respected life, was very naughty and mischievous. Loved to make my own rules, listened to what my heart said, believed in whatever I did.
Then, like all good things, this one had an end. And so my school life ended after the most amazing two years of my life.
And it was the time for a change. A huge one. From school, I was going to college. No uniform, no rules and no running after teachers. For a change, I was excited about this change. I was so looking forward to it.
The college started and I had fun in the first few months. But then the most vulnerable thing happened. People changed. Time changed. I was left with absolutely no one to talk to, to sit with, and to go out with. I tried to fit in somewhere, to make new friends but it all failed. Somehow, controversies and problems followed me everywhere and made my life a mess.
I adopted a calm life & had fallen into the quiet type nature. I started worrying about anything and everything. Longing and loneliness used to pierce my heart largely.
I started bottling up all insecurities and fears and hesitated to reach out for help.
Earlier I had so much confidence in myself that I could make through whatever life threw at me. I was so level headed, preparing myself for the future and whatever it may bring. But now, I used to loathe and abhor going to college. Every morning, I started giving myself reasons for skipping the college. I used to cry everyday and ask god that why he would do this to me. Then over the time, I got used to it. I used to keep to myself. Not talk to anyone.
And then the most beautiful thing happened to me. I had found someone to feel happy about. A reason to go to college. A smiling solution to all my abhorrence and problems. And with that, came back my smiles and happiness. I had friends. I had love. I had my life back. I was happy again. I was living again. He made life easy. He made living and being happy easy. I started to keep tons of photos so that I can store the memories and stories attached to them.
Time flew with him. And the end to my college life was near. But as I said, all good things come to an end, so with the ending of college, came ending to this happiness as well.
He was gone. Without a reason, without a warning. He just went, leaving me alone again. Broken, shattered, devastated, and crushed from within. With him, he took back whatever he brought into my life. Good people, good times and my happiness too. He just changed overnight. The one, who used to cry before me when I was in pain, was not at all moved even while seeing me in the worst of conditions. Suddenly, he was no more the same person. Suddenly, life seemed like it will never be same again. As if I will never be able to smile again.
Another change was awaiting me in a new college, my post-grad school. And with all those horrible past experiences and a broken heart, I was so not willing to face another change. I was not prepared for anything which might hurt me. I wanted to run, I wanted to cry, and I wanted to die even. But just two days before the new college, I decided to face it. And not just face it but live it. I was back, back with a bang.
And today, I am so proud of that decision to stay and fight. I have some amazing friends; I have an amazing person to take care of me and to make me smile and on top of all, I have myself. The real me! I am having a good time and look forward to have many more. It’s not much time yet and I know that a lot of changes are still awaiting me. I still have to face the real world and its dirty phases & faces.
I have realized that even after making decisions with careful deliberation, I might still make errors in judgment. But one thing is for sure, I am so ready for any kind of change. Finally, I am not afraid of change. I have just got three words to say at the end,



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